qazyfiction

Caleb had been dead for one month before Silver went to pay his respects. He’d been at the funeral, of course, had lit the obligatory incense and bowed his head as if in thought. But the words had deserted him, his mind blank, and it had seemed so impossible that Caleb was actually dead and in the ground beneath his feet, that Silver had walked away without even saying a prayer.

So it was with a certain trepidation that Silver made his way towards the back of the Reke compound now, his limbs heavy, the small jug in his hands cold against his skin. The sun hung low in the horizon, fighting a losing battle against the growing darkness. It was still bright enough to see the neat rows of white tombstones though, each one long and rectangular, like a finger pointing up at the sky.

Five rows back, eight along, was Caleb’s tomb. The earth was raked flat, and the small vase pushed into the ground was filled with half-burnt incense sticks. Silver stepped forward and carefully poured water over the tombstone, using his hand to make sure every inch was covered. Then he set the jug aside and pulled his own incense sticks out of his pocket, lighting them and adding them to the jar. Ritual observed, Silver bowed his head and tried to find the right words to say to his mentor, but he could think of nothing. The white stone in front of him was so far removed from his memories of Caleb that it seemed ridiculous to talk to it.

As the minutes passed, all Silver found was a growing anger. He could still see it in his mind’s eye, see Caleb crumple to the ground, a silver dagger in his heart. Caleb hadn’t even tried to fight back, had been willing to die for what he believed in, without thinking of how it would affect anyone else.

The words came. “You left me behind. You promised you wouldn’t. You promised!”

Silver punched the tombstone then, bit back a cry when his knuckles split open and began to bleed. But it wasn’t enough. A second punch, more blood, and Caleb’s name smeared in red.

How could Caleb have left him this way? Dying for other people – the supposed ultimate sacrifice – was a coward’s way out. Had Caleb even thought of what it would do to him, how responsible he’d feel? Silver punched the tombstone again, ignoring the trembling in his hand. He’d make damn sure never to die for anyone else. He swore it, right then and there, with his blood dripping down onto his mentor’s grave.

“Never,” he told the tombstone. “Never.”

He’d stay just long enough to make sure the Reke could survive without him, find a suitable replacement alpha, and then he’d leave. He’d head far to the west, to the most far-flung edges of the Empire, and he’d never come back.

Silver walked away without giving the tombstone a backwards glance.